Been a week since i am working till this hour at 2am. This moment is painful for me. For it just reminds me of the late nights i spent in office going through my work. Its the time i spent in office that i compromised my time at home. Its been close to 2 years since i am on a normal work routine. YES, its been 2 years since i really have a good and quality chat with mum. Its always that 10 to 15 minutes in the morning as i sit in my front yard, smoking and drinking coffee while i chat with mum. Still remembered clearly that its on tuesday morning when i said "farewell to mum". Little did i know and aware that it was the final "farewell" to her. The last ever speech and conversation that i will ever have.
Thinking back, i really that day... ... For its the last ever day that i saw her. How i dearly missed that gentle smile on her face. Everyday and every now, every actions reminds me of her. I know that she still lives in my heart. She is in a better place called Heaven. However, i cant stand the fact that i can no longer communicate with her face to face. Human to human. Nor can i ever touch her again.
Bearing all these in mind. I am worried sick for my dad. For the last 16 years since his retirement, he had spent everyday with mum. He is a man of few words and expression. Focusing on him is hard. Lucky there is Wendy trying to patch things up between him and myself. I love my dad, but for so many years we have failed to communicate. I guess, we are so much the same. Many of my aunties have said that i look and talk pretty much like my dad. Maybe its a "man" thing that stops us from communicating as father and son. I am not sure myself. For the only thing i am sure about, is that he needs me.
Mum dont worry, i will promise you that i will seek the relationship that never took place.
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